Waiting!

Today I'm not so tired , today I'm chilling around the house , washing dishes and laundry , burning cds and generally feeling ok.

Dad had a sleepless night last night , mum said they were up and down til around 4 when she fell asleep but she reckons dad was still up and about, she says his pain is bad but he managed a walk today with a stick , just a short one .

I'll be there tomorrow evening as tomorrow morning I still have to collect part of a script but I got to wait until postie comes with the book on chemo and eating .

Right now I'm waiting on hot water for rest of dishes and bath oh how I cannot wait to soak myself in a bath I should have bought bubble bath when I was out earlier aloing with the new trainers/walking shoes by karrimor that I got for £16! £16!! and the new jumper for £14 and the fleetwood mac cd for the partner for valentines cos I wont see him then I don't think what with being away at mum and dad's .

Good day , easy day.

Memory

I think I might need Aricept soon, I went to Drs today to get bllods done and collect a script I had ordered ....... only to find I hadnt ordered it.

Nightmare...

Tired still so tired.

Gilr at work that I had the meeting with is really making an effort , we had a great day for the first time in a loooooooooooong time.

Dad is due out tonight , so I'm looking forward to going home to them for a few days and trying to help out , if I get in their hair I will come back to my own place , just so long as I know he's ok and they are comfortable.

This whole not knowing is insane , how do people deal with this?

Why are there no mesothelioma support groups in NI?? why are there no charities to try to make things better for those who suffer it?

I could fundraise for all manner of cancer charities but what about the one that affects my dad? how do I go about starting one? is there even a lot of ppl here who have it? maybe I could fundraise for the thorassic unit he's been in? I DON'T KNOW arrgh

oh and seriously my head is full of clouds , theres a lot I'm not remembering!!!!

Surgery

2 tumours removed , part of diaphram and lung also removed.

Lot of bleeding but surgery was in a very vascular area so they expected it.

Dad is tired easily but in good spirits when we saw him earlier , nice visit just me the partner and him sitting on the bed .

He's sick of rinking water yet anything else makes him nauseous and his appetite is still poor but he appears to be healing well , less gunk coming out the drains and his catheter and a dressing on his back removed .

The pain relief is gonna be hard for him , his epidural will come down at some point in the next couple of days and he is app going to be given Oxycontin , I joked he was like a celebrity but without the money!

I'm going to leave this post for now as I am shattered and ready to head for bed.

Memories!!

Rememebered!! the company Dad worked for is still trading!! oops to them they are getting sued!!

Hospitals

Surgery complete .

Tumours removed , smaller ones felt but not seen , diaphragm (part of) removed , vascular issues ( lots of bleeding) Broken hearted mother , bitch who thinks poking "karma" at a dying man is a funny and wise thing to do.

Dad is on mend from surgery , my head is full of fluffy clouds and sweetie mice and god knows what else , memory is shot to shit even in work I am reliant on my co-workers to keep pushing me to where I need to be or what I need to do.

Talked to a consultant of sorts today who explained the op and was clear that this does not cure it , this is still pallative care.

Next stop chemo.

I had something to write about and promptly have forgotten.

Nope its gone.

Argh.

Hospital

Dad goes in tomorrow for the lung resection(?) on wednesday , they'll break two ribs and chop away part of his lung with tumour and surrounding tissue around the heart and diaphragm .

Its v serious .

Nearly read the will by accident the other day , told mum to put it away and put my foot in it then cos she didnt know it was there so she read it , even though dad had told her she was to know nothing about it.

This is where the hard part starts , this is where we see him get so sick .

I have to steel my nerves , frayed as they are .

I have my bro and his wife here supporting them too , I wish I could hug my sis , I wish I could tell her to come home , I hope she comes home soon.

Mum's getting forgetful , lighting a cig, staring off into air and then stubbing it out when its burnt itself down. She put the frying pan into the oven , forgot about it and turned the oven on :)

She's trying to cook better food for Dad and she's just a bit all over the place , I can only imagine what its like for her , I'm only a daughter , thats his wife and my god does she love him .

His webcam wasn't working today , Sis rang home from Oz so I'll have to get my guy to fix it later.

Happier note for me , my favourite pc game is releasing more content , some I can get tonight .

This is my escape , my salvation.

I think I need my tablets again , stress is really getting to me , sounds selfish and it is but it's getting to us all in our own ways.

I love my dad , my hero.